The Velvet-Covered Steel

When I was still single, I was a goal-getter, a dreamer, who knew what she wants and decide on what she wants. I was proud, stubborn, and wouldn't succumb to anyone else's expectation. It was a huge challenge for me when I became a wife. I married a man who is a strong leader with a very dominant authority. I struggled to accept that I was no longer the one calling the shots. It was painful for me to realize that I now have to submit and respect my husband's decisions in every aspect of our lives. I had no idea that God was going to use this struggle to slowly transform me into the woman that He wants me to be. And so my journey began.

Mike has his own personal issues, things that God is still dealing with him. One of these was the way that he was handling our finances. Early in our marriage, I would always get upset with his poor decisions about money. Thinking that I knew better, I would give him advices and suggestions on how we could better manage our finances. This would often lead to arguments. I hated that we had to suffer painful consequences because of his wrong choices. "If only he had listened to me!"

One night, in my desperation, I cried out to God, "LORD, nakakainis na! Lagi nalang akong nadadamay sa mga maling desisyon nya!" At that time God convicted me through His Word:

"That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." - Genesis 2:24

It was as if God was telling me, "Bakit mo sinasabing nadadamay ka? When you decided to marry him, you are no longer two separate persons, but one flesh. Kaya magkadamay na talaga kayo habang buhay." It was a hard truth dropped on my head. A glimpse of what "for better or for worse" meant. " God's conviction continued to push me on the edge, "Have you tried praying for him more than trying to fix him?" I couldn't answer. I knew I haven't.

So I accepted the challenge. That night I resolved to change my ways. I decided to completely surrender my husband to God. I stopped nagging him with my unsolicited advices. I even stopped checking our bills to prevent myself from worrying about our finances. I told God "LORD, you've given him the role to provide for our family, if he'll continue to mess up, he's accountable to You." Then I started praying for him. I started intentionally praying for every aspect of his life, -- his decisions, his career, his fears, his struggles, his temptations, his integrity... everything. Every night while he was sleeping, I would lay my hands on him and plead God to make Himself very real in his life and to transform him into the man that He wants him to be.

Completely surrendering my husband to God was not easy, in fact, it was scary. Deciding to "shut up and pray" was very hard, because it meant that I was letting go of my "right to be right", my right to be heard, and my chances of "helping him" make better choices. I had my own fears. What if things get worse? What if we continue to sink deeper in the pit of debt? What if we go bankrupt? Through all of those questions, God was doing something in my heart, "If that's what it takes for him to learn what I want him to learn, then so be it. You focus on what I am about to teach you too, and leave him to me." God was bringing me to my knees so He could crush my pride and my strong desire for control. He was teaching me what it means to trust and depend on Him alone. He was teaching me the secret strength of being gentle and quiet. He was teaching me the power of a praying wife.

"In the eyes of the world, gentleness may look like weakness. But gentleness is like a velvet-covered steel. Because of a woman's firm, unshakeable faith and trust in God (the steel), she is able to respond to challenges and pain with gentleness (the velvet). It requires more strength to be gentle than it does to lose your temper, talk back, fight, or have a fit!" - Nancy Leigh DeMoss

In the months and years that followed, all of my fears came to pass. Things got worse. We were in a deeper pit of debt. There were broken relationships, and we were bankrupt. We hit the rock bottom. It was a very difficult season, but the most painful to me was watching my husband fall apart. This strong leader that I once knew has lost his passion, purpose, and sense of direction. I never stopped praying for him, but I was also struggling. I was afraid that he would make more wrong decisions in our season of despair, and he felt it in my responses whenever I was not in favor of his plans. I'll never forget what he told me at that time, "Hindi ko kailangan ng asawa na parang pulis na lagi nalang ako binabantayan magkamali. Ang kailangan ko, yung asawa na sasamahan ako madapa, sasamahan ako matuto, at sasamahan ako bumangon ulit." That's when I realized how much I am hurting him whenever I make him feel that I don't trust him. That's when I learned that it doesn't matter if the whole world has lost its confidence in him, as long as I, his wife, still believes in him, he can, and he will bounce back, better than before.

Slowly, things started to make sense. I began to see how God was using my husband's weaknesses to also reveal mine. I began to understand that God loves us so much that he would choose to sacrifice our physical comfort in order to mold our character. Because of the hardships that we went through, Mike learned to start making better decisions, one step at a time. He has become more grateful, compassionate and generous to others. But what is priceless to me, is how he has become more intimate in his relationship with God -- always begging for His wisdom, always seeking His will, always choosing His way no matter how hard it is sometimes. He has learned to cling to Jesus more, acknowledging that apart from Him, he could easily mess up again.

This year, we are celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary. There are still some areas in our marriage that we are battling in faith to conquer. I still don't check our bills, not even our bank account, (though he voluntarily tells me about it even when I am not asking 😂 ) ... I'm not saying that this is applicable to everyone as it took me years and a lot of tears to get to this point of surrender, but I have learned that God is my ultimate provider, not my husband. I have also learned to submit and trust Mike's leadership resting in the knowlege that should he make another wrong turn, God will always be faithful to lead us back to the right path with new wisdom, and a deeper knowledge of His unfathomable love. ❤