Shiko's First Spank

Parents have different views and opinions on how to discipline their children. Mike and I have already decided long before Shiko was born that we are going to follow what the Bible has to say about it:

"Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him." - Proverbs 22:15

"He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." - Proverbs 13:24

Just the thought of spanking Shiko tears me up. Whenever we feel that Shiko is starting to cross the line, Mike and I would often ask each other, "Is it time?" ... or is he still very young to understand? As I was reading the book MOTIVATE: 8 Secrets of Successful Parenting by Pastor Peter and Deonna Tan-Chi, I came across this quote:

"At what age do I begin to spank my child? The answer is that you spank them as soon as they understand what you are saying and they intentionally disobey or disrespect you."

When Shiko was only 10 months old, he already knew the titles of his books and would correctly get them for me when I tell him which book we were going to read. Shiko turned 16 months today, and at his age, he is able to understand more instructions. He obeys when I tell him to fix his toys, put his books in their proper places, or get his shoes when I am dressing him up. However, there are also times when I would clearly tell him "No", but he would insist and do it anyway, resulting in power struggle between him and me. I understand that there are things that he does out of curiosity, but I could also identify when he is testing my limits and intentionally disobeying or disrespecting me. Mike and I prayed and talked about it and we've decided, it's time to start spanking Shiko, in fact, I think we're a little bit behind,  just a little bit.

Of course as parents, we want to discipline Shiko the right way because we know that this will impact his life as an adult. Here are some of the principles about spanking that we've learned from the book MOTIVATE (I highly recommend this book to parents and parents to be who wish to raise their children following Biblical principles):

1. Discipline your children for disrespect and disobedience only. NEVER spank them just because you are angry, or because you suddenly lose your temper. NEVER spank in anger! DON'T spank without control.

2. Give the rules firsts and don't spank them without them understanding the rules.

3. Practice the "One-Command-Obedience" Rule. When you give your child a command, say "Obey". The child should obey the first time you give the command. If they don't obey, discipline them immediately. Do not resort to shouting, threatening or nagging. This conditions the child to only obey  until you have repeated the command two or three times and are angry.

4. Don't spank in public, do it in private. Don't embarass your child in front of your other children.

5. DON'T USE YOUR HAND. Hands are for holding and hugging. Instead, use a belt (no buckles), or a spanking rod.

6. Inflict pain but don't injure. It must hurt enough to motivate them to obey.

7. Hug them after spanking them.  They should never feel rejected but assured that your love for them will never change no matter what, and that you discipline them because you love them.

Last Sunday, we bought a spanking rod. We decided that this is the only rod that we will use whenever we spank Shiko. We explained to him what it is and what it is for, then we put it in a place in our room where he could always see it.

On Monday night, as we were getting ready to go to bed, Shiko pushed the plastic cabinet in our room so he could touch the electric socket behind it. I told him "no", but he didn't mind me and kept on doing it. It was a clear intentional disobedience because there were instances in the past when I would tell him "no" for the same instruction and he would obey, and there were also times when he would keep on doing it over and over again. It is obvious that he is already able to make choices on whether to obey or not. This time, he chose to disobey so it was a clear ground for spanking. I took the spanking rod, showed it to him and reminded him what it is for. I told him that I have to spank him because he did not obey when I told him not to move the cabinet and touch the socket. That night, I spanked him for the first time. I gave him two spanks at the butt. It hurt him and he cried a lot.  Thankfully, I knew that I was in control and was not spanking out of anger. I hugged and kissed him afterwards, and I was crying too when I told him "I love you that's why I have to discipline you." He was also hugging me while crying. Later on, he latched, and then fell asleep after a few minutes. As I was watching Shiko sleep, I told myself, "How I wish he would learn to obey after this at once so I would never have to spank him ever again..."

I was still crying during my quiet time with God that night. I poured out my heart to Him and told Him how painful it is for me to spank Shiko. That moment, He allowed me to understand more of His heart towards His children. God is hurt too whenever He sees us sufffer the consequences of our disobedience to Him, but because of His love, He allows us to experience the pain in order to protect us and lead us to the best life that He has always prepared for us. He must've wished that we learned to obey in just one "spank", so He would never have to spank us again... but we are stubborn, and He is faithful. He never gets tired of patiently waiting for us to learn to love Him above all. This is one of the best things that I love about being a parent, God using Shiko to reveal more of Himself to us.

"My child, don’t reject the Lord ’s discipline, and don’t be upset when he corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights." - Proverbs 3:11‭-‬12

The last couple of days, I've seen a huge improvement on Shiko's behavior. There were times when he would try to insist his own way, but when he does, I would tell him in a calm tone, "What did Mommy say?  Will you obey? Or do you want Mommy to spank you?" He would shake his head ("no"), point his finger on the spanking rod, and would obey what I ask him to do. Of course there are also times when he still chooses to disobey (like this afternoon), I would tell him that I need to spank him, and just hearing that word will make him cry. My heart is crushed everytime, but I have to do it in obedience to God. I always pray for God to help me to love Him more than I love Shiko.

Mike and I still have lots of things to learn about parenthood. As we seek God's wisdom in raising Shiko every step of the way,  we are hopeful that He will reward our obedience and He will bring Shiko (and our other future children) to where He wants them to be.