Confessions of a Disrespectful Wife

Yesterday, our Pastor's message was about getting up when we stumble. He talked about our Achilles Heel, our weakest point, the area where we keep stumbling, the area where Satan loves to keep us trapped. I was strongly convicted by the message and I immediately identified my Achilles Heel -- the past few months, I've been struggling in the area of Respect to my Husband.

Admitting and sharing this struggle in my blog is not easy for me. In fact, there were so many times, when I felt tempted to be self-righteous and compare myself with other wives just to feel better and somehow minimize the gravity of my disrespectful attitude. In my mind, I'd say -- "Hey, I don't nag my husband; I don't talk back to him or use a disrespectful tone when I speak to him; I don't argue with him about our finances like most wives do..."  

BUT --  my thoughts. I have allowed my thoughts to be the playground of Satan when I am irritated with my husband. Yes, I don't verbally disrespect him, but in my mind, I do! I shout back at him with my thoughts, I think of negative things about him... and there were times when I could no longer keep it in my mind that he sees it in my physical  response. Out of the abundance of the heart, my facial expressions speak.

For the past months, I took this sin lightly, thinking that as long as I don't verbally disrespect my husband, it's okay. But NO! Disrespecting my husband whether in words, actions, or thoughts is a SIN! God doesn't take it lightly so I have no right to take it lightly! Disrespecting my husband that way breaks the heart of my Lord, and when I realized that, it broke my heart too. Any sin, little or big in our eyes has consequences. If I continue allowing this sin in my life, I knew that it is like a termite that would little by little destroy and steal the joy in our marriage.

This morning, during my quiet time, I admitted my sin and repented to God. I told Him that I want to face this struggle once and for all. I told Him that I want to grow and not allow Satan to have a control over me in this area. Actually, the moment I uttered that prayer, I knew I had to prepare. I knew that He will provide an environment for me to address that ugly attitude. True enough, He did.

Right after my quiet time, as I was doing my morning routine of cleaning the house, I unexpectedly did something that irritated my husband. Like me, Mike is far from perfect. He has his own struggles and areas of growth which the Lord is also dealing with, but it is not right to use them as an excuse to disrespect him. He is accountable to his actions, and I am also accountable to God with my response. God can use even our husband's weaknesses to address our own. I knew this is God's way of refining my character, of answering my prayer to grow in the area of respect. This is my weakest point right now, and the test is to not allow myself to disrespect him in my thoughts even when I feel like being pushed to my limits.

He went out for a while -- this is his way of overcoming his struggle in anger. I was left in the kitchen preparing our lunch. It was hard to control my thoughts and not to think of negative things about my husband when we are in this kind of situation. Aside from that, the voice of the accuser was condemning me telling me, "See, I told you, you don't have the right to teach about Submission & Respect to the wives that you disciple... You don't have the right to teach the Bible at all!.. It's hard, you can't do it!"

In the outburst of my emotions, I suddenly shouted, "Get behind me Satan! I rebuke you in Jesus Name, for I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!" After I said those words, I burst in tears, like a little child crying at the feet of Jesus, telling Him -- "Lord, this is so hard... I need you, I'm depending on Your Grace alone... I can't do this on my own..."

The song "Give Me Faith" by Elevation Worship kept repeating in my head.. "I may be weak, but Your Spirit's strong in me... My flesh may fail, but my God, You never will.." It is through our struggles when we are humbled down and reminded of our need to depend on God. When we stumble, Satan wants us to stay down, but God wants us to GET UP!

As Pastor Peter Tan-Chi said yesterday:
Genuine faith doesn't mean perfect or flawless faith 
-- Genuine Faith means GROWING FAITH! 

"He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead... no unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God."

- Romans 4:19,20

After the whole morning of this emotional roller coaster,  I found this beside my laptop. I am such an undeserving wife, an undeserving person -- standing, walking, and living in the Grace of God alone. Mike and I both know, that we are still a work in progress, but we are trusting that He who began a good work in us, will be faithful to complete it as long as we continue to cooperate and obey Him.

What area are you struggling in your life right now? Surrender it to Jesus. Growth and freedom will only come the moment we admit our weaknesses and allow Him to work in our lives. :)

The Exchanged Life

Last weekend was one of the most meaningful weekends of my life. Our entire small group attended an Encounter 1 Retreat entitled: "The Exchanged Life" at Nagcarlan Forest Resort in Laguna.

Our trip was a 4-hour travel from Manila to Nagcarlan, Laguna via the zigzag roads of the Rizal province. It was a long drive, a bit tiring, but I'd say it was really worth it. The messages were very foundational: Father's Love, Sin, The Cross, & Spirit-Filled Life. For most of the members of our Discipleship Group, the messages helped them to really understand what Christ has done for us, what He really accomplished when He died on the Cross. They've also caught the vision and realized the great privilege in fulfilling their part in the Great Commission. Many of them expressed their desires to start their own Discipleship Group. It has always been my prayer that the Lord may ignite the passion and fire in their hearts to serve God's Kingdom. I knew it was the answer to my prayer! Thank you Lord! :)

In the "Deliverance" part, it became clearer to me that as God transferred me from the Kingdom of Darkness into the Kingdom of Light through His Son, Jesus, I must not allow the enemy to have any foothold and stronghold in my life. I must not allow him to have any right of way. Therefore, we prayed to be delivered from any of our past sins which has become a foothold of the enemy. We burned our past sins, shame, every single hurt and unforgiveness, and we claimed the new life that God has given us.

My husband was given the opportunity to serve by being assigned to discuss and help us understand what Water Baptism is all about. Many decided to obey and to publicly declare their commitments to follow Jesus by being Baptized that day. The priceless moment for me was to see my siblings, and everyone from our Singles Discipleship Group commit and for some, renew their commitments to follow Jesus! Praise God!

Mike and I also decided to renew our commitments to live the rest of our lives for Jesus. This is our second time to be baptized, and we both agreed that compared to our baptism four years ago, this time, we have a deeper understanding of what it truly means to follow Him and to live for Him. This is our way of publicly declaring our obedience and submission to our Lord and Savior. No Turning Back!

We left the place refreshed and renewed -- Ready to face our normal lives again, this time, it's 


I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, 
but Christ who lives in me. 
And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, 
who loved me and gave Himself for me.
- Galatians 2:20

Bonding moments :)

The Dream That Changed My Life

The year 2012 was one of the most unforgettable years of my life. I could remember how busy Mike and I were during that year. We were so busy building our lives, chasing our dreams, building our business, making money, and securing our future. It was also in that year when I had my very first pregnancy, the pregnancy which I have prayed for, for so many years. It was a year when we felt very close to the life that we've always dreamed of. Although we've known Jesus and had a relationship with Him, we had our own dreams and plans already laid out in front of us. And just as we thought that everything will work out the way we've always planned it, suddenly, everything's changed.

It was a night in November of that same year when Jesus spoke to me in a dream. The dream seemed very real to me, that even up to now, it's still very vivid in my mind. In my dream, Jesus was very sad and angry. He seemed to be crying as He said these words to me, "What are you doing?! Why are you not doing anything for my Kingdom?" In His anger, He even threw a stone in the sidewalk while He was saying those words to me.

When I woke up, I felt restless. My heart was beating fast and I didn't know what to do or even what to think. It felt overwhelming and confusing at the same time. Did Jesus really just spoke to me in my dream? Am I hallucinating? I mean, who am I that He would need to do that? Remembering how sad and angry He was when He spoke to me also made me feel uneasy and afraid. What have I done wrong? What did His words meant?

My Spiritual Mentor always taught me that God clearly speaks to us through the Bible. I knew, that the only way to confirm if it was indeed, Jesus who spoke to me is through His Word. So in my quiet time that morning, I prayed. I poured out my heart to Him, my restlessness, my confusion, my fear. I asked Him for a clear answer, was it really Him? What did He want to tell me?

I opened my Bible and I landed to the book of Haggai. A very short book (only 2 chapters), a book that I haven't even heard of before. In that book, God was addressing the Israelites about their misplaced priorities. The people were building their own lives, businesses and neglecting what God has been asking them to do: Rebuild His Temple.

"You hoped for rich harvests, but they were poor. And when you brought your harvest home, I blew it away. Why? Because My house lies in ruins, says the Lord of Heaven's Armies, while all of you are busy building your own fine houses." - Haggai 1:9

These words from the Lord and almost everything that He said in the short chapters of that book crushed my heart. I imagined how broken God's heart must be because we've been neglecting Him, His call for us to prioritize Him in our lives. How we've used the busyness of our schedules and even my pregnancy that time as an excuse not to obey. This is His will, His command to everyone who claims to love Him, who claims to be His follower:

"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." - Matthew 28:19-20

The parting words of Jesus before He ascended to Heaven, this verse echoed in my head, as He said almost the same exact words to the Israelites during the time of the Prophet Haggai. He said these when the people already decided to return to the Lord and prioritized to obey His call for them:

"Be strong, all you people still left in the land. And now get to work, for I am with you, says the Lord of the Heaven's Armies. My Spirit remains among you, just as I promised when you came out of Egypt. So do not be afraid." - Haggai 2:4-5

It became clear to me that day that the Lord wanted us to rearrange our misplaced priorities. He visited me in my dream to ask us to return to Him, to the work that He called us to do -- to take our part in building His Kingdom, to stop focusing on earthly treasures. That day, I've understood how serious He is in the Great Commission.

Our lives went upside down after that day. I wish I could say that everything turned out the way we wanted them to, but no. Few days later, I lost my pregnancy. Few months later, we've experienced a lot of financial difficulties, we've lost our car, we've lost almost everything that we've tried to built all our lives. We've been shaken, we were tested but we realized that God allowed these things to happen to strengthen our faith, to experience Him more, and to prepare our hearts for the work that He calls us to do. He taught us to serve Him during the most inconvenient time of our lives.

In the middle of everything, He entrusted these souls to us. His sheep. A flock so precious to Him, a flock purchased with His own blood. And through shepherding these souls, He taught us to find joy in Him and His Great Commission. The joy when we hear how each of their lives are being transformed little by little as we lead them closer to God. An unspeakable joy that we never found in the many years of our pursuit of empty dreams. We know, that though He has led us to a path different from what we've planned for ourselves, right now, we are on the exact place where He wants us to be.

My husband and I's Singles' Discipleship Group

Single Women's Discipleship Group
I'd like to share this beautiful video which has helped ignite the fire in my heart to take my part in fulfilling the Great Commission. I pray that the Lord may speak to you through it the way my heart was moved after watching it!

We were set free to free others!

Glory to God! 

My Great Commissioned Moment.
My #SheSharesTruth writing assignment.