A New Heart Song

Sometime last year, I wrote this on my journal:

My Life Mission: To live for God's glory, letting the light of Jesus shine through my life. To let my flame be a way to lead people to Christ; To help others light up their own flames, so they can also lead others to Christ.

My Life Vision: To see the light of Jesus shining in this dark world through the burning flames of the lives transformed by the power of the Gospel; To one day see a multitude of people in Heaven who found their way to God through my flame (by His grace).

This afternoon was my once a week Skypleship session with my friend Jhen who's in the Middle East. It was the first session of our  "Lies Women Believe" book study. I wasn't feeling really okay. I've had some personal struggles and I was tempted to cancel our session so I can just have some alone time. An hour before we started, I prayed and admitted my struggle to God. I asked Him to fill me with His Holy Spirit and acknowledged that I couldn't do it on my own. By His grace, we pursued with our online session and it was a success. Jhen and I were both blessed by everything that we've learned from the Word of God.

God has given me different songs to sing in every season of my life. He knows how much I love music, and He always uses it to connect to my heart... He is such a very personal God.. Tonight, He has given me a new song once again! I couldn't help but cry as I heard this song on K-Love for the very first time! I felt Him speaking to my heart, telling me that He sees me... He sees my struggles, and He sees my heart that longs to obey Him despite my weaknesses, my trials, and my mistakes... 

Tonight, He reassured me of His love for me through this song:

More by Matthew West

♩ ♫ ♪ I love you more than the sun, and the stars that I taught how to shine, You are mine, and YOU SHINE FOR ME TOO! I love you yesterday and today, and tomorrow, I'll say it again and again... I love you more! And I see you ... And I made you... And I love you more than you can imagine... More than you can fathom... I love you more than the sun.... And you shine for Me... ♩ ♫ ♪

Filled to Overflow

Towards the end of 2014, I got caught up with the busyness of the holiday season and became inconsistent with my morning quiet time and devotion. The ripple effect followed, I started thinking anxious, judgmental, and envious thoughts towards others. My ugly and selfish heart started to surface which affected my submission, respect, and service to my husband.  I also lost my passion in writing (journal sharing and blogging). I didn't want to reach out, encourage anyone or to make any extra effort, I just wanted to be comfortable -- have extended hours of sleep, and spend time in social media. I've had that "Oversaved Feeling" (a term I learned from Louie Giglio, which means being too familiar with the Gospel that it no longer excites you), which I hated because I've missed the feeling of being always in awe of God's Greatness and humbled by The Message of Salvation. My devotion and Bible reading felt like a routine for me during that time, I can't seem to connect with God... and that left me feeling spiritually dry and empty. 

This is what I've written in my journal during one of those days: 

My S.O.S Prayer
 (Even writing this prayer was obviously a struggle, just look at my hand writing!)
I thank God that He listens and answers even my S.O.S prayers. The following morning (January 1st), He spoke to me through His Word:

"God created EVERYTHING through Him, and NOTHING was created except through Him. The Word GAVE LIFE to everything that was created, and His life BROUGHT LIGHT to everyone." - John 1:3-4, NLT (emphasis, mine)

I cannot create anything, even my own passion. It all starts with God! I have to seek Him with all of my heart so I can find Him (Jer. 29:13). It was very timely that our church's annual Prayer and Fasting week was about to start, so I prepared my heart to seek Him. I decided to fast on everything that has been distracting my attention (a huge chunk of that is social media of course!) and focused on God during the entire week . I spent time in prayer and reading His Word. It was still a struggle at first, but as I started feeling physically weak because of hunger, I felt God strengthening me spiritually. On the fifth day, while I was listening to worship songs, He answered one of my prayers -- that He may open my eyes to see Him for who He really is, to be in awe of His Glory and Majesty once again!... and I just found myself on my knees, crying my heart out to Him, worshiping Him, thanking Him... humbled, that the Almighty God who created the universe would care to listen to me... to speak to me... to love me.. to use me..

"When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers -- the moon and the stars you set in place -- what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that You should care for them?" - Psalm 8: 3-4, NLT

It was such a sweet moment with the Lord! I wouldn't trade that moment for anything! He gave me the One Word that I am going to hold on to for the rest of the year, and that is the word: BELIEVE. He also gave me a new promise which comes with His gentle reminder / warning / command to me and Mike, Deuteronomy Chapter 8. He also renewed my passion to lead my existing Single's Discipleship group, and He gave us our first series to study this year, and that is the book Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. He gave me a new heart to strive to continue to grow in my role as a wife to Mike, allow the Holy Spirit to take control of my thoughts, words, and actions, and to prepare myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually as we plan go back to my OB (by faith!) to start my work up again so we can have a baby (God willing!) this year. He gave me new dreams, visions, and promises to hold on to once again!

 I started 2015 empty and dry... no passion, no written goals, no plans, no resolutions, no direction at all. But God! -- it was His Spirit that FILLED ME! and now I am excited to officially start the year, with so much excitement and passion in my heart! I am ready (by His Grace and for His Glory) ... to OVERFLOW!