Conceived in Grace

I'm so excited to write this entry as this is my first post as I officially face 2013! I had a week of solitude moment with God just last week, and it was an INCREDIBLE, INCOMPARABLE EXPERIENCE! For the first time in my 26 years of existence, I started the year knowing exactly what God wants me to do. It's such an amazing feeling to hear from Him! It makes me feel secure knowing that as long as I continue to obey His leading, He will bring me to where He wants me to be. I know those places are far beyond what I can imagine and dream of! I am so excited for this journey with Him! I am excited to watch Him move in SUPERNATURAL WAYS this year!

My miscarriage last year made a huge impact on my faith. In my previous entry, I wrote about my struggles in understanding these circumstances in my life, especially when I found out that I have an immune system condition that needs medical attention before I can conceive again. But this experience helped me gain a whole new perspective in life, and the best thing that happened to me was that God revealed Himself to me in a very special way. Psalm 34:18 says, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." In some moments when He was silent, I learned to trust His character and wait for Him. He is a kind, loving, good, gracious Father who delights in granting the heart's desires of His children (Psalms 145). I held on to those things that I know about God during that moment when He was silent and I didn't understand. And indeed, God is faithful to His promises. He spoke words of comfort in my heart and made me feel that everything's going to be okay. He gave me joy and peace, knowing that He is in control of my life, and that even if I didn't see it at the moment, I trusted that He allowed these things for my good.

I had my first check up with my Immunologist yesterday. According to him, my lab results doesn't look that bad, we just need to help my body produce good antibodies so that it won't reject my next pregnancy again.  He suggested a possible course of treatment that we can do called Lymphocyte Immunization Therapy (LIT) which would help my immune system develop immunologic tolerance to the genetically foreign pregnancy tissues. I also started taking Aspirin because I have a viscous blood which we also need to control before the next pregnancy.

As my doctor explained to us the course of treatment and the procedures that I have to go through before and during my next pregnancy, I realized that  my pregnancy might not be as simple or as easy as other woman's pregnancy. It might be physically, emotionally, and financially draining to us. At first, I felt like it was a bit complicated, but this time I am not worried. I remember God's response to Paul when he asked Him three times to take away the "thorn in his flesh", his adversities, God's response was:

"My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." - 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT)

I feel in my heart that God is telling me exactly the same Words. He could have made my pregnancy simple or easy, but I realized that maybe God wants me to understand the deeper meaning of the word "Surrender" ... total surrender to Him moment by moment. Maybe God wants me to experience weakness so that I can see His Glory, His Work, His Power in this season of my life. In response, I prayed and I told Him that if I have to go through all of these in order to know Him and to experience Him deeper in my life, The Lover of my Soul, Healer of my Scars... with all my heart I am willing to take this journey step by step with Him.

One day, when Mike and I finally hold our precious baby in our hands, we will know and we will always remember that our child was conceived in the Grace of our Lord, and we will have the fullness of joy and peace in our hearts knowing that it is the same Grace which will guide our child throughout his/her life.