First Mommy Journal Post

It's been more than a week since I gave birth to our precious Baby Shiko, and as all first time moms probably know, I am in the process of adjusting to my new routine and sleeping schedule. I never want to miss out documenting this very treasured moment of my life, so I'll try to compress everything in this single post with such limited time that I have before this little man beside me wakes up for feeding or diaper change time. :) 

I started to feel labor contractions last November 1, and was admitted on November 3 due to low amniotic fluid. However, after 48 hours in the hospital, my fluid increased and my OB advised that there was no reason for us to rush since baby and I's condition looked perfect. I was only 1cm dilated, so she sent us home and asked us to return to her clinic 3 days later. 

When we returned to her clinic, my amniotic fluid was still at normal level, but I was still only 1cm dilated. During the NST monitoring, we found out that there was a slight decrease in Baby Shiko's heart rate, this could mean that since I am an APAS patient, and my placenta is already getting old, our Baby might not be getting enough oxygen at times causing a decrease in his fetal heart rate. My OB advised that we could still go home and come back the next day for another NST and if Baby's heart rate continues to decrease, then she will have to break my bag of water and induce my labor. We could still try to go on normal delivery, but there is still a risk for Emergency C-Section if my cervix won't dilate after breaking my bag of water.

Mike and I agreed at first, but as we were going out the parking lot of St. Luke's, he expressed to me that he was bothered about our baby not getting enough oxygen, and since I have already stopped my blood thinner injections for quite some time, anything can happen now (blood clots that could be fatal to me and baby) and he didn't want to take the risk and wait for another day.

I immediately called my OB (who was already on her way to PGH for another schedule), and told her about our concern. She understood and respected our decision. She then scheduled us for a C-Section that same day. At around 4pm, we were admitted to the High Risk Pregnancy Unit of St. Luke's, and at 7:30pm, I was sent to the Operating Room. 

At exactly 8:18pm on November 8, 2016, after 6 years, 38 weeks and 2 days of waiting, our baby Kaden Shiko Isaac T. Eugenio was born.

It was such an incredible experience to finally hold our baby in our arms. All of those years of crying out to God in the middle of the night, moments of weeping as we passed by the Infant's Section of the Department Store, heart breaking Baby Shower invitations, staring at my friends' baby pictures in Facebook, countless negative pregnancy test results, insensitive jokes and unsolicited advices from well-meaning friends and relatives... all of those things didn't matter anymore the moment Baby Shiko's skin touched mine.  I look back and trace the hand of God throughout our entire journey... His presence in every Doctor's appointment, every needle pokes... His provision for every expensive treatment and medicine, how He sent good doctors to take care of us, and most especially loving friends who stood with us in faith and prayed for us. God has been very good to us, and He has given us this tangible evidence that will forever remind us that He can be trusted to keep His promises (Hebrews 10:23). 

The first 48 hours of Shiko with us at home was a bit crazy. As first time parents, everything was new to us, so there were a lot of adjustments that we had to make. I realized that I could no longer give Mike the bed time massage that I've been giving to him every single night for the last 6 years... At first, I felt a bit sad because I know how much he looks forward to it every time he comes home very tired from work. Mike has been very understanding and gracious to me, especially as we both committed to exclusively breastfeed and as I am still recovering from my CS operation. He's been doing most of the household chores that I used to do and just let me rest and focus on taking care of Baby Shiko. Mama staying with us at home has also been a huge blessing -- we get to eat delicious home cooked meals! She also helps me out with taking care of Baby Shiko and does some of the chores too. 

By God's grace I feel like I am starting to get a hold of this new life. We are starting to get better sleep the last couple of days (by "better" I mean 2-4 hours of sleep, compared to no sleep at all). Baby Shiko seem to also like his new home and we are starting to get to know each other better. He loves to sleep on my chest after every breastfeeding session, it keeps him warm and makes him feel secured... it's the most priceless moment for me, I love knowing, and feeling that he needs me to be there for him.

I was staring at Shiko's face the other night as he was sleeping on my chest. His innocent smile, his frown, raising of eyebrows, pouting of lips, his blank stare when he is awake... his simple facial expressions melt my heart! How could someone so tiny fill my heart with so much joy! This little baby... he doesn't have to do anything for my heart to be filled with love for him. He doesn't have to earn it... I love him, just because he is my son, and I am his mother. No sleepless nights or soiled diapers could ever change that.

I realized that this kind of love could not even be compared to the greatness of God's love for me. He delights in me, and I never need to earn His love. He loves me just because I am His daughter and He is my good Father. There's nothing that He wouldn't do to protect me, to provide for me, and to bring me to the best life that He has always prepared for me. He finds pleasure in doing good and taking care of me in the same way that I find pleasure in embracing Baby Shiko to keep him warm. God wants me to need Him, to always let Him be the center of my life. As I walk with Him through this new journey called Motherhood, I am excited to learn more, and to experience more of His love and His presence every step of the way.

"Can a mother forget her nursing child? 

Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? 

But even if that were possible, I would not forget you!"

- Isaiah 49:15