Dear Shiko, The Beach Was Never The Same

Dear Shiko,

We just came home from a 3-day vacation. It was your first beach experience, and it was my first time to have a vacation at the beach as a mom.

It was never the same. 

Before, packing was a breeze. Just a few clothes and toiletries in my back pack and I'm good to go. Now, it took me more than an hour to finish packing to make sure that I brought all you needs -- from diapers, to sunblock, to your body wash, rash guard, and feeding essentials... everything had to be complete.

I used to listen to reggae music, sleep, and relax during the road trip. Now, I was there reading a book to you, or feeding you a snack just to keep you still in your car seat. I was there trying to pacify you by singing to you, or playing with you when you were already feeling tired and bored in the car.

I have always loved the beach and I used to bask and let the time just go slowly while I lay down on the sand, enjoy the sound of the crashing waves, and feel the sun kissing my skin. But now, I was there making sure you were safe. I was there introducing you to this new surrounding. I was there playing with you on the sand even when I wanted to swim and explore the sea. I was there accompanying you to go back to the cottage because you wanted to latch and eventually sleep, even when I wanted to stay at the shore and enjoy my most favorite part of the day -- the sunset.

My Baby Shiko, it hasn't been the same.

But I'll never trade a single moment that I was able to spend with you during this trip. I cherish every moment that you cried because you only wanted to be in my arms. That even while you were busy playing on the sand and the shore, you wanted me to always be close... because I know that my presence made you feel secure in this place that is so big, so new, and could have been so overwhelming to you. I cherish the moments when I wanted to stay out longer during the night so I can just stare at the moon and the stars, but I chose to go to bed early and embraced you as you fell asleep while latched on. I cherish how you share your wonders and amazement with me as you discover new creatures and try to pronounce their names in the best way that you could. The laughters, smiles, and giggles on your sun-kissed cheeks will forever be imprinted on my heart.

Dear Shiko, I only have a handful of summers left before you leave my lap and enjoy the beach... and your life... on your own. I'm cherishing these moments as much as I can, because one day my love, I know that it will never be the same.

Love, 

Mommy