Dear Shiloh, You Surprise Me!

 Dear Shiloh,

When we found out that I was pregnant with you, we didn't know what to do. We were not prepared for another APAS pregnancy, physically, emotionally, and financially. You surprised us.

I wasn't ready to become a mother of two, not when I was still figuring out how to be a mother to your kuya. I was doubting myself if I could do it. I was wondering how could I give you the same love and care that I have given to your kuya when I felt that I have already poured out everything I have to him. How do I split my heart in two, so I could be a mother to you? But then you came out, and I found the answers to my questions. My heart didn't have to split, because it expanded, it doubled, the very moment I held you. You surprised me.

I felt like I was starting from scratch during the first few months. It was hard to find my way. I sobbed tears of frustration and exhaustion from tandem breastfeeding, to tending your kuya's meltdowns and your growth spurt all at the same time. You never wanted to lie down when you are sick, you wanted me to rock you to sleep... so we were there in the dark, standing up, I rock you while I was half-asleep the whole night. I didn't know where to get the strength, but the nights went by.. I woke up with a hurting back, but hey, you are feeling better, and I see your smiling face again... we survived those long nights and you made me realize how much I can endure because of my love for you. You surprised me.

Tomorrow you'll be turning two, oh, how time flew. You get on your kuya's nerves whenever you grab his toys. You make me squirm when you tear the book pages. You make Daddy mad when you pour water or throw food on the floor during mealtime. But you make me laugh with your "Happy Feet". You melt your kuya's heart when you hug and kiss him to say you are sorry. You make Daddy so happy whenever you shout "Dadaaaa!" because you don't want to loose sight of him.

Dear Shiloh, you surprise us! You surprise us everyday with how much happiness a tiny human being like you can give. In the midst the chaos around us, you help us appreciate the simple things in the life we live. When you grow up, you will realize that life is so full of surprises, but may you always remember, that for Mommy, you will always be one of the best surprises that I have ever received from God.

Happy 2nd Birthday Anak. I love you to the moon and back!

Love,

Mommy