When You're Tired of Always Doing What is Right

This was me before I met Christ: I was selfish and proud. I say what I want to say without thinking about how other people would feel. I only want my own comfort. Most of the time, I want to be alone so I don't have to be nice when I don't feel like it, so I don't have to serve others, so I can freely choose what I want to do. Last night, these ugly attitudes surfaced, and I hated that I had to feel sorry for feeling this way.

Tired of always thinking the right thoughts, saying the right words, reacting the right way, and always choosing to do the right thing -- that's how I felt last night. I cried out to Jesus telling Him that it's unfair that I always have to consider what others would feel before my own feelings. It's unfair that I have to say the right words or make the right facial expressions instead of snapping, frowning, or saying harsh words when I'm hurt... when I have to keep quiet even when I feel like talking back to my husband to defend my point, to express my thoughts... to just be myself!

I am thankful that I can come to God just as I am. I am thankful that He doesn't condemn me when I feel this way, instead, He listens to my tantrums. I am thankful that God can handle even our worst emotions and ugliest attitude. I cried in His arms until I fell asleep.

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When I woke up this morning, I was reminded that I've been preoccupied with so many things lately and I haven't been spending some quality time with God during the last three days. During my devotion and quiet time (as I was reading the Jesus Calling Devotional), God spoke to me, and with a gentle tone, this is what He said:

"My precious Misce, I know you intimately far better than you know yourself. When you choose to do the right thing, say the right words, or react the right way, it does not negate who you are, it actually makes you more fully yourself. I created you in my own image (good, loving, kind, humble, selfless), but sin distorted my original design for you... and now, I am restoring, and transforming you back into the person that I designed you to be. You feel worn out and tired, because you are trying to do it on your own effort... You will always feel disappointed of yourself when you do that because I designed you to be completely dependent on Me. Stay close to me, never leave my side, because it is My Holy Spirit who will give you the Power to be all that I want you to be..."

When I feel worn out and tired of doing the right thing, it is because I am trying to do it on my own! What a great reminder! When I am filled with the Holy Spirit, choosing to say, think, and do what is right, choosing to serve and love others no matter how inconvenient it sometimes feels, is a delight that overflows from my love for God... it is not easy, but it is a delight, not a burden. Today, God once again reminded me, that apart from Him, I can do nothing.

"For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord -- who is the Spirit -- makes us more and more like Him as we are changed into His glorious image." 

- 2 Corinthians 3: 17-18 [NLT]

"But the Holy Spirit produces thins kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." 

- Galatians 5:22-23 [NLT]

"Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in Me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing." 

- John 15:5 [NLT]