Dear Shiko, Can We Freeze The Time?

 "Mommy makakapag-reread pa ba tayo?"

You whispered to me a while ago while I was rocking Shiloh to sleep. You've been waiting for more than an hour, but you never complained. You were just there, lying in the dark, waiting for Shiloh to sleep so Mommy can read you a bedtime story. Some nights you fall asleep while waiting, and my heart hurts as I watch you sleep, because our nightly read-aloud is the only time when I can have my full attention on you, like I used to when you were still our only child... when we can snuggle, when you can share your heart to me, when I can look at you in the eye and tell you how you have been changing my life.

We will talk the following morning during our morning devotion and I know that you will forgive me. You will forgive me for not being able to spend time with you the night before... like how you've always forgiven me when I sometimes loose my temper, or when I fail to be a good role model to you. I ask for forgiveness, and you always generously give it to Mommy saying, "Okay lang po Mommy, you are not perfect, si God lang ang perfect..." with a grace of a kiss and a hug that I do not deserve.

Sometimes I find it hard to believe that you are the same baby that I've held in my arms 4 years ago. You are not just my firtsborn child, you are now becoming my friend too.

We laugh over silly stories, we cry over sad ones, and we learn together everytime. You blow me away with your ideas,  with your dreams, with your faith... and you inspire me with your kindness and compassion, like the other day when you volunteered to take the spank for Shiloh's disobedience. I asked you why, you answered, "I want to sacrifice for him."

Dear Shiko, can we freeze the time? 

Can you keep on singing the songs that you compose while playing your lego? Can you keep on telling me stories about your imaginary hero friends? Can you keep on asking me to play with you? Can you keep longing for my embrace when you wake up in the middle of the night? 

Can we stay this way forever?

We can't. But I can thank God for the grace of these fleeting moments.. and I can thank you for the joy that you are bringing into my life. Thank you for being the best Kuya for Shiloh. Thank you for being the best son that anyone couldnwish for. Thank you for everything that we are learning from you. Thank you for being my dream come true. Thank you for being the answer to my prayer, my forever reminder that God can be trusted to keep His promises.

I love you baby. Happy 4th birthday. 

Love,

Mommy