My Magnificat

My relationship with the Lord hasn't been going well lately. I remember that at the beginning of the Advent Season, I prayed to Him that I never want to miss Him this year. For some reason, I didn't understand why in the middle of my journey in seeking Him this season, He seemed so distant from me. I was thinking that maybe this is His way of revealing Himself. True enough, little by little, He began revealing hidden sins in my heart.

It all started when I felt stressed and pressured about not keeping up with the current devotions that I was doing. Then I noticed that during my quiet times, I felt like I was just squeezing my mind with what I will be writing in my journal rather than allowing the Holy Spirit to let the wisdom overflow like how it used to. That's when I started to loose my passion in writing. My quiet times with the Lord have not been as meaningful as they used to since then.

It was also timely that my phone has been having a lot of issues lately that my husband decided to dispose it. My phone is so important to me because I use it to post my daily journal in instagram. So I began to understand, clearly, the Lord is taking them away from me -- my phone and my passion in writing my journal.

At Day 15 of "The Greatest Gift" Advent Devotional, Ann Voskamp wrote:

"You know you have an idol whenever you have to perform. You know you have a Baal that needs to be cut down whenever you cut yourself down. Whenever you slash yourself, you have an idol that needs to be slashed down." 

That day I realized, the cause of all my stress is trying to perform. The sins that the Lord revealed to me -- The sins of Idolatry and Pride. I wasn't even aware that these sins have been infesting me. Trying in my own effort to make good journal entries, watching out to see how many likes and comments, misplacing my priorities... turning my heart away from my First Love and bowing down to my Baal -- myself, my ego.

I felt ashamed of myself, but I see the goodness of the Lord. In His great love for me, He never lets me go too far away from Him. He never allows any lesser god to replace Him in my heart. And in today's #SheReadsTruth Devotion, God showed me the beautiful example of Mary. The woman who was given the most prestigious role in the world, yet did not take the center stage, but rather humbled herself down and acknowledged herself as a lowly servant of the Lord. Inspired by her, I wrote my own Magnificat to the Lord.

 I humbly ask you (my dear reader) to please pray for me, as I continue to seek Him and His leading in this season of my life. Thank you very much! ALL Glory to Him ALONE!

"But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there... She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, 
when I freed her from her captivity in Egypt." 
- Hosea 3:14-15