Lessons From A Moldy Guitar Case

For security reasons, Mike decided to lock and seal all the windows of our small condo unit. This caused a lack of ventilation and air flow in our storage room. Because of this, I've been having a serious mold problem in this room for the past few months. No matter how many times we clean and how much Lysol we spray, these molds just keep on growing back especially with our leather shoes, bags, and everything else with a similar texture. My frustration grew worse as these molds started attacking some of my most favorite things: my amplifier, and the fabric case of my electric guitar.

A few weeks ago, Mike and I had an argument when he decided to get rid of my amplifier and the case of my guitar since they have always been the most moldy ones. I've felt very upset because for many years, these things have always held a very special place in my heart. His decision to never open those windows for ventilation is non-negotiable for him (I understand his reasons and they are are valid), so he gave me an alternative solution. He promised that he was going to replace my amplifier and guitar case with new ones, those with textures that will not grow molds (molds doesn't seem to like growing in glossy surfaces).

I've felt sulked and sad to the point of anger. First, because I wasn't ready to let go of these stuffs I love. Second, because in my mind, I have judged my husband's intention for doing this. I judged him that just because we do not share the same passion with music, he doesn't care about the things that make me happy. I judged that he was just being unreasonable and was just power tripping. I judged that he was not being good to me. Even when he already told me that he was going to replace my amplifier and guitar case, the truth is, I didn't trust and believe that he will fulfill his promise... and even if I did believe, I wasn't sure when he is going to do it, I didn't want to wait since I already judged that those kinds of things are not his priorities. 

I judged him based on that one instance and forgot everything else that I knew about him. I forgot how much he has loved and accepted me from the beginning of our relationship. I forgot how much he takes care and protects me... how he works hard to provide for my needs and to do everything he can to make me happy. I forgot everything just because he was trying to take away something that was already causing more harm than good.

We've managed to resolve this issue despite my tears, some hurtful words, and many sessions of him explaining and re-explaining his good intentions to my stubborn and judgmental heart. My heart was crushed when he told me how much I hurt him when I made him feel that he doesn't care about my happiness, when I doubted his goodness.

We didn't talk about this anymore, until a few days later, it dawned upon me how everything I've felt about my husband relates to my personal relationship with God. I remembered the many times when I have judged Him. When I doubted his goodness as He lovingly took away things in my life that were no longer good for me. How I judged Him of being unreasonable, and not caring about the things that make me happy. When I rushed and didn't want to wait... When I question Him, "Why God? I know You can give it to me, but why are You choosing not to?" The many times when I didn't believe His promises and instead chose to worry and cry over stuffs that I wasn't willing to let go in His hands... All along, all He ever wanted was to replace them with the best that He has prepared for me, in His time, in His most perfect way.

I have judged my God. The God who accepted and forgiven me despite the shame of my sinful past. The God who has loved me even before I've ever learned to love Him. The God who provides for me every single day... who showers me with the breath of life, and sunrise, and shelter, and family... The God who has always protected me, who turned my life upside down and continues to lead me to His perfect will for my life. I have been quick to judge and quick to forget His goodness and love in those instances when things didn't go my way. My heart breaks as I imagine how much I have been hurting Him, every single time.

"If trust must be earned, hasn't God unequivocally earned our trust with the bark on the raw wounds, the thorns pressed into the brow, your name on the cracked lips."
- Ann Voskamp

Just the other day, out of nowhere, and without us talking about this issue for weeks, Mike took me to some music stores to canvass a new amplifier and a new guitar case. In my quiet smile, I knew in my heart: because he loves me, he did not forget. And God... who loves me even more than Mike does... How could He ever forget His promises to me?